Puff the magic dragon - growing up and coming down

I have almost always been an under achiever, sometimes I wonder if I actually gave it my all if I could truly excel at something?  Statistically I am pretty average but in reality I’ve never been quite 'average' enough to fit in – my undesirable colouring, clumsy gait, and tendency to daydream made any desire to do this practically impossible and the deeply sensitive nature - I just couldn't seem to hide - from an early age didn’t help matters.  I suppose that my craving to ‘fit in’ stemmed from the desire to be left alone more than anything, it’s not that I wanted to be just like everybody else at all in fact I think that even in my most tortured of times I was painfully aware that it is these so called 'differences' that made me who I was (and still am).  If you watch a toddler as they explore the world you can witness the sheer delight they take in just being and their complete lack of inhibition, this brings a little sadness to my heart because I know it is that lack of inhibition and awareness that enables us to truly be ourselves.  It is no surprise that so many of us turn to alcohol and other substances to help us forget ourselves and all our hang-ups, if you’ve ever gone out and stayed sober with a group of people who are getting drunk you will no doubt have noticed the striking similarity they have to small children at the end of the evening.  We cannot remain drunk or otherwise forever though just like every child must grow up at some point, adolescence is the biggest come-down and I'm not sure anyone ever truly gets over it - how many so called grown-ups told you 'your school days are the best days' and other similar things? (okay perhaps school days is not the best example but you know what I'm getting at) I recall being desperate to grow up and be free to do what I want, clearly oblivious to the paradox in this.  As the quote says ‘youth is wasted on the young’ - George Bernard Shaw.  

'how can people stand to worry about bills, mortgage repayments and table top spills?  Society please let me be a little childish and always free'

(a line I remember from something I wrote at the tender age of 17)

It appears I have somehow squeezed myself into those sensible shoes after all, no wonder my feet hurt!