Tuesday 4 January 2011

Another melancholy new year

So we sat there sipping our mediocre chocolate drinks
a comfortable silence due to mutual fatigue, disillusion, blankness...
I notice all the cakes and other sweet sugary 'delights' lined up neatly in the glass cabinet
'what a waste, no one will buy all of those, this town is not the place for an Americanised chain like this'  I think to myself.  'what a negative bastard I am today, and  now I am feeling pity for the woman behind the counter who is painstakingly slicing a cheesecake into segments; heating the knife in hot water for a minute or so, wiping away excess water with a standard disposable blue cloth then placing the blade in the correct position before pressing down hard making sure she has sliced all the way through, wiping the knife and repeating the entire process.  She has a soundtrack to her task and she sings along occasionally - 'he aint heavy he's my brother'  Just then the company I am with cuts through my focus on the cake slicing and comments on the song with regard to the lyric 'he aint in heaven he's my brother'  I explain to him what the lyrics actually are then concur that had the line actually been what he thought it was, it would indeed be a pretty negative song, pondering that it could almost be suggested that the brother is 'down there' rather than in heaven, we both chuckle slightly then return to our separate silent bubbles.  Perhaps the lady slicing the cake enjoys her job and her boss is a joy to work with, perhaps she never wonders what the point of it all is, perhaps spending her days serving mass produced coffee and cakes to the public who most likely cannot afford it is enough for her.  Maybe I am the fool for endlessly thinking and questioning and never feeling satisfied with anything.  If only I could spend a few months of the year in hibernation, sleep is my salvation and the only place I ever really want to be, so much more than a verb I use to recharge my dying batteries.  In dreams mistakes don't matter, self doubt melts away and anything is possible. 

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