personal development is just that - 'personal'

One person's 'shining light' is another's 'crock of shit' - Something I am finally learning to accept.  Reading this article today regarding women being apparently addicted to stress: http://www.uncoveredmagazine.co.uk/news/303-hooked-on-anxiety.html

It was actually the following bit that really rang true for me 'Experts say many women are ‘stress’ junkies and that they learn to please and multi-task at a young age'

Now I couldn't tell you the exact moment I began feeling this drive to please, fix and/or make better but I'm pretty certain I was under ten.  I have an early memory probably from when I was about 9: my Dad was ill in bed (looking back it was clear he had a hangover) and feeling it was up to me to take care of him I set about preparing him a meal (most definitely not what he wanted - I inherited my tendency to have monstrous vomiting hangovers from him) consisting of microwaved jacket potato (which I mashed for some reason) and beans.  Dad asked me to leave the plate on the floor and my cat Tiggy (RIP) ate some of it, the rest I'm assuming went in the bin, Dad unconvincingly told me he ate it and it was delicious.  Anyway, from an early age it is clear I have tended to assume responsibility/guilt for just about everything; other people's moods (I feel compelled to cheer them up), animal cruelty (I have been a veggie since I was fourteen although I know I'm a hypocrite for not being a vegan), this even  extends as far as upsetting events happening in the world; as I child I used to pray every night for all the starving children in Africa and when my Mum uttered those words 'think of all the Ethiopians!' when I struggled to eat my tea, it really got to me.  I stopped watching the news a few years ago because I just couldn't cope with the guilt I felt and it did nothing but bring my mood down with feelings of being hopeless, helpless and worthless.  I have discussed this with friends and with people I work with and have discovered I am not alone in these feelings of guilt and my decision to stop watching the news.  Others have criticised me for my decision telling me that I should be aware of everything that is happening in the world and even though I can understand why they think this it is a personal decision and if it works for me then I think that's okay.  I think I've lost my thread but I'll just keep typing and hope for the best.  Ah that's it, the point I was trying to make:

'If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad' (to quote Sheryl Crow) 
(the next line perhaps applies too but I'll leave that for another day and another rambling session)

Since I can remember I've usually been the one people come to with their troubles and I am almost always happy to help - see that, I associate being happy with helping people so it makes complete sense that when faced with a situation where no matter what I do I just cannot help someone/something (animals too) I feel sad, guilty and ashamed of my impotence in the situation even when it concerns factors which are completely beyond my control.  I have worked closely with people who suffer mental health issues for a good few years now and the way of being I just described is (I feel) a strong motivator in my work (I use the term 'work' loosely because what I do at work is pretty much what I've been doing my entire life).  Of course it has a downside and I do feel terrible when I run into hurdles with people and no matter how many times my colleagues tell me not to beat myself up, I still do.  I have learned to keep going though, 'where there's a will there's a way' and as the title of this states - personal development is personal and through this I am learning a good life lesson: to accept that what works for one person won't necessarily work for someone else.  I suppose in my job I am more objective because there are boundaries and processes that I am used to going through in order to explore and pinpoint what it is that an individual hopes for and how they might like to set about that.  So I guess my point is I am finally realising that all the energy I am using up trying to push elephants up the stairs and dragging horses to water is wasted (well actually it's not because it's taught me this lesson)  and I would be far better off saving it for dancing in the way that 5rhythms taught me.  Like my Dad told me not long ago 'you're practical in the way you think about things so you want to fix people'  People are not like kitchen drawers though they are responsible for themselves and all the glue, tacks and perseverance in the world are never going to change that.